Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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