she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
