I didn't shave. On purpose
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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