i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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