He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
