you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
