so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize