She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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