He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
