im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
