My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
