Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im part way to drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
