rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
