um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize