On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
