omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
