Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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