Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
