I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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