no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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