Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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