Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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