There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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