I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
