OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
