I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
