im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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