Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
