what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize