woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
