Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
