there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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