I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
