You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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