I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
