Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
