there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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