Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
