I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
