VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
