Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
