Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
