you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
