my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize