There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
