Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dick very happy bro
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
