she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
