the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
