Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
