On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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