he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
