i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
