Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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