I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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