i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
