did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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