Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
