Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
