it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
