I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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