The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
