Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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