I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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