Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
