did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
