you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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