is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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