I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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