He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize