we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
