im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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